Separated by a Common Language

Fraser got me a magnetic poetry kit of Scottish colloquialisms. Before I could make use of it, he had to give me a glossary of terms. There's no way I could recreate the hilarity of his examples and exaggerated accents, but I thought I'd share the results nonetheless. You might, as I did, think you know some of these words, but you might be wrong. False cognates abound!

Note: definitions come from Fraser, who did have to wrack his memory for some of them.

bampot - a person displaying general daftness with a kind of insanity that looks for trouble.
noo - not later
pit - verb, to place
stoor - stirred up dust and grit - blowing around or kicked up in a cloud, as opposed to lying on furniture
wan - less than two
footer - verb, to fidget or tinker
greet - verb, to cry
aw - not just some
disnae - opposite of "does"
feart - afraid
fankle - to get in a tangle (not opposite of "cankle")
baffies - slippers
och - all-purpose utterance
bairn - people who need babysitters when their parents go out
gang - going, also to go
cannae - opposite of "can"
carry-oot - takeout, but mostly alcohol
hoose - where you live
dae - do
oxter - where you put deodorant
ran-dan - all-nighter (drinking, not studying)
neeps - turnips
blether - chat
swally - a drink... or several
cludgie - bathroom
frae - from
hen - woman (affectionate, not a reason to slap someone)
toty - little
boak - verb, to retch
wean - similar to bairn, but smaller
bide - dwell
cauld - opposite of hot
fash - a fuss (dinnae fash yersel'.)
crabbit - crabby (not strange hybrid of crocodile & rabbit)
lang - opposite of short
messages - the stuff on the shelves in the grocery store
awfy - awful
fancy - to like-like someone
whit - what
oot - opposite of in
gonnae - please
deid - opposite of alive
dunt - somewhere between a nudge and a shove
youse - y'all
dram - a serving of whiskey
aye - affirmative
aboot - about (not footwear)
ken - Scottish for "grok"
tak - take
cowp - landfill, dump
haver - to talk nonsense (now you know what that means.)
tae - to (not to be confused with the Tay, a river)
awa - far, far
keek - peek
efter - after
fer - for (not the stuff that grows on the cat)
hae - have (not what you feed to livestock)
yon - over there
gey - give (not boys who date boys or girls who date girls, nor merry)
onie/ony - any
ither - either
sair - sore
wee - not big (except as in "the wee big thing"), impossible to complete a sentence without
jiggered - ranging from tired to exhausted (Och, hen, you make the tea. I'm jiggered.)
birl - turn, as in a trip around the block, not as in a board game.
eejit - see "bampot"
claes - stuff you wear (not what flower pots are made of)
lum - what Santa slides down to deliver the presents. (Look at the state o ye. Ye look like you've been up a lum all day.)
yin - one, as in, the personal pronoun (Billy Connolly = "Big Yin")
heid - it's like Sputnik! Like an orange on a toothpick! (it sits on top of your neck)
jessie - sissy (not short for Jessica)
guid - opposite of bad
intae - opposite of "out of"
scooby - a clue (Jinkies!)
yer - not mine
braw - see "guid"
muckle - unnecessarily big
canny - cunning
dae - opposite of "don't"
ne'er - opposite of "ever"
fair - "totally"
doon - opposite of up
ma - not yours
dinnae - don't
ain - opposite of rent
gaun - going
aff - opposite of on
haud - hold
brae - a hill
wi' - opposite of without
fu - opposite of empty
baw - what you kick up the footbaw pitch
jings - Jeebus! (see also "crivens" and "help ma bo'ab")
nicht - opposite of day
glaikit - gormless, naïve (Jings, ye glaikit-lookin bampot, ye!)
sae - so OR sew
girn - make a face
dreich - rainy, gloomy weather
wabbit - sickly (like you might be after a long night of hunting some long-eared rodent or about to boak.)
skelp - slap
they - those
hame - where the heart is
huv - or to huv not
oor - not your
mind - remember
twa - more than one, less than three
mair - more
guddle - fishing, but by hand
ben - back in
goonie - gown
een - you have to wear glasses if yours don't work
tattie - potato
bucket - a large quantity of drink
jeely-piece - jelly sandwiches
ower - the end, opposite of under



Not in the kit, but Fraser adds:
burd - a thing that flies, but also how a less-educated man might refer to his girlfriend
drookit - drenched
crivens - see "jings"

Now, use it in a sentence, such as:
Don't gies any mair o ye cheek or ye'll git a skelp aboot the heid, ye bampot!